EDIT – MAY 2013 – I decided to put back a few of my older unedited stories which didn’t make into the book or only a very small part of it, so yes, they can be a bit boring. If you want to read the exciting and adventurous stuff I suggest you buy my book. It is packed with some of the most outrageous travel stories you’ll ever read.  

Vang Vieng

It was time to visit the big backpacker trap named Vang Vieng, a place where every backpacker in South East Asia will end up at some point. When I walked of the bus I saw two English speaking white guys walking bare feet. I don’t know what their plan was, maybe a book named “Around the world barefeet” it looked disgusting.

The biggest reason backpackers go to Vang Vieng is the tubing down the river.  It’s a debauchery of 21 year old drunk and drugged up backpackers. During the day people go tubing and get drunk at one of the many bars on the side of the river. The river and its bars have a sort of Mad Max look and when you’re there for the first time its fun to do. When you’re on the inner tube, Laotian guys will throw ropes and pull you into the bar area where lot of people get drunk on cheap cocktails. There were slides, ziplines and every one had paint on their body saying they were sluts or take it up the ass.  I felt old and not at ease here. It was clearly not my scene. Girls would climb up the rocks, get to the bar and scream wooohooo !! every two minutes. 

At night, all the bars were open and people got drunk in the many drinking games or rounds of free drinks.  I tried to pick up some girls but since I had no verbally strong game yet and the girls there has an attention span of a minute until the next woohooo, I didn’t bother too much with it. Most of them were fat backpacker girls anyway. When the bars closed people moved to the riverside bars and drank buckets of Vodka red bull. I go drunk here a few times but usually not too much because I hate hangovers. Sleeping was not too great because many times there were loud ceremonies in the Buddhist temple next to my hotel.

A guy who is a party animal with game and can get let go of all shame would kill it here with the girls. I’m not that guy and am way too self conscious for this kind of things.

I paid only 3 dollar for a hotel room with a small bathroom. It was a hotel where a lot of Japanese tourists would go. I talked to them quite a few times but somehow conversation went slow. There were shitloads of restaurants in Vang Vieng all playing the same television shows. It was either Family guy or Friends. I’m more of a Friends person so I usually sat down in the same place. One day I had a lot of eye contact with a cute girl but she left soon after with her girlfriends. The next time I saw her again she was wearing a long dress but when she sat down her dress moved up and showed some disgustingly hairy legs. I lost my appetite immediately and gave her an obvious dirty look. She should learn to behave like a woman and not like an unshaved feminist.  It only convinced me more how white backpacker girls are not for me. Most of them dress bad and don’t take care of them selves. Still they walk around thinking like they’re the main prize. I ran into a similar situation in Bolivia a year later.

I found a massage salon with a very young  and hot girl working there. A massage would cost around 3.5 dollar for one hour and the girl would sit on you in a short hotpants. Talking to her was difficult because her English vocabulary didn’t go beyond 10 words. I killed my time with reading some pick up info and watching movies at daytime and by going out at night. Some people were really fucked up on drugs and acted crazy and made complete fools of themselves in front of everyone. I took it easy with the mushroom shakes and smoked some opium instead. Prices of the drugs were complete rip offs and I guess half was fake.

I can’t believe I stayed 10 days here but I did, like I said before I didn’t feel at ease in this scene and decided to go back to Cambodia where I would be a somebody again. Dara and Nina had both been emailing me asking when I returned. I had to go to Bangkok first, to cross the Thai/Cambodian border in the east. It was not possible to go from Laos to Cambodia with a Cambodian visa form the embassy. The other way around is possible as you have read in the beginning of this story. After this I took one of the worst bus rides of my trip.

2013 update: According to Wikipedia there’s no more tubing and getting drunk along the river side as of the third quarter of 2012. At least 22 tourists died in 2011 while tubing down the river. No need to say that the majority of people that drowned were probably very drunk and/or stoned. Safety measures were non-existent and personally I wouldn’t go down that river with more than a couple of beers in me. The river has some rapids down the river ( not in pictures) and I can imagine that on a windy or stormy day those mild rapids can turn into something more dangerous.

Some pictures of Vang Vieng river chaos

EDIT – APRIL 2013 – I decided to put back a few of my older unedited stories which didn’t make into the book or only a very small part of it, so yes, they can be a bit boring. If you want to read the exciting and adventurous stuff I suggest you buy my book. It is packed with some of the most outrageous travel stories you’ll ever read.  

Laos – 4000 islands of Don Deth, February 2010

The pick up point for my bus ride to Laos was close to the guesthouse at Lakeside, Cambodia.  I met a German girl there named Nikola and we went to the border together. It was a long bumpy bus ride to the border. I was reading a book for the first time in ages. The book, advised by any people to me was The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. Although it was an interesting read I expected more from it. It was not a life changer as many people had told me. Well, the real life changing happened in the weeks before where I went from a regular backpacker to a womanizing bastard.

Don Deth of the 4000 islands

Several websites and the Lonely planet book were saying that it was impossible to get a Laos visa at the border but when we arrived there it was not impossible at all, the visa at the border was even 5 dollar cheaper and didn’t take 3 days and 2 motorbike rides to the embassy to get it. The border crossing was very primitive, a couple of wooden shacks and one guard on both sides. A little bit further we were dropped of by the side of the road, there were some other backpackers waiting. After some half hour another minibus came and brought us to the Mekong River where we had to negotiate a fare for a small motorized canoe to take us to Don Deth one of the 4000 islands, a famous place for backpackers to hang out. It was already getting dark and we had no reservations so we still had to walk around the small island and find a place to sleep. The west side of the island was covered with mosquitoes; massive clouds of mosquitoes were hanging around the patios and bedrooms.  I didn’t like the look of this island at all.

We found a path to the east side of the island where there were no mosquitoes around for some reason but most of the places were full so I proposed to share a room together and she agreed. The room had only one big bed and she didn’t mind. I don’t know the name of the island anymore; the island lay in the dirt green Mekong river and was a bit of hippy haven. The two German guys in the hut next to me were serious stoners with long dirty Rasta hair and beards. They were nice guys tough. One thing I wanted to change on my trip is the fact that I’m very judgemental. I have an opinion on everything and anyone. Those two German guys were nice and even shared there weed with me, they both saved up for their trip and worked blue collar jobs like I used to do. The one thing I couldn’t stand about them was their constant complaining about the prices on the island. They had lived on an ultra low budget in India for six months and ate only vegetarian food. Of course on a small tourist island the prices go up but it was still in Laos, one of the cheapest countries in Asia.

The “bungalow”  Nikola and I were staying was made of 4 bamboo walls with a straw grass roof and the bed was the only furniture. We talked a lot that night about her job as a social worker in Germany and later went to bed. She wasn’t the best looking girl but still bangable and made a move on her at night but she didn’t want. A strange thing because in the last weeks a no girl had refused me. She had a cold and passed it on to me; I had a runny nose for at least two weeks after. The problem when traveling is that it’s hard to stay in good health. A simple cold takes two to three weeks to clear where it normally takes me 4 days.

Nikola went to another island the next day where she was going to meet a friend. I stayed and did nothing for the next 4 days. Most of my time I spend on doing some reading, laying on my bed and watching movies on my laptop. I watched the whole John Carpenter collection, a director most famous for his horror movies. There is absolutely nothing to do on the island, a few restaurants sell beer at rip off prices and that was it. You could count the bangable girls on one hand. One day I took a swim across the river with the German hippy dude and I thought I smelled terrible from the dirty water.  I took a shower and still stank. The hippy guy told me that the water from the shower was river water too and that explained a lot. It’s not for someone who wishes a lot of comfort. There was no ATM on the island and I had to leave as my money was running out. I regret been a lazy bastard and not walking around the other islands.

The only thing I remember from the overnight bus ride to Vientiane is that there were four Israeli girls on board and one had an amazing pair of knockers. A talked to them a bit but they said goodbye somewhere along the road. 

Next up – Laos Vientiane and the crazy tubing in Vang Vieng (backpacker heaven for the young, wild and annoying)

Neil Skywalker

© Around the world in 80 Girls

EDIT – FEBRUARY 2013 – I decided to put back a few of my older unedited stories which didn’t make into the book or only a very small part of it, so yes, they can be a bit boring. If you want to read the exciting and adventurous stuff I suggest you buy my book. The book is packed with some of the most outrageous travel stories you’ll ever read.  

Cambodia / Siem Reap, January 2010

I left Bangkok early in the morning. Most backpackers buy a bus ticket at Koa san road and pay way too much for something you can easily do yourself. I hopped in to a taxi to the north bus station and bought a ticket to the Thai/Cambodia border. I met a Spanish guy in the bus and we talked a lot. We took a tuk tuk from the Thai border town to the border. I was wondering if the driver would try the Visa scam like I read in the Lonely Planet. And he did. We stopped at some “visa office” along the road. They insisted we should get our visas here. It was impossible to get a visa at the border according to them.  I told the driver that we would walk further and he would get no money at all if he didn’t take us right to the border. I warned a few Russian tourists who were brought to the same spot not to buy the over priced visas there. The “travel agent” saw he was losing his “customers” and told the tuk tuk driver to take us to the border. At moments like these I feel glad that I have a lonely planet guide on me, the prices are always wrong in the book but at least they warn you about scams like this and advise you where to go.

It was easy to enter Cambodia, I paid 20 US dollar for the visa, you need to have dollars on you or you have to pay a 1000 baht which at the time was 31 dollar. Make sure you have a passport photo with you or pay a hefty fine/bribe. (Anyone correct me if I’m wrong, it’s been three years). The official Cambodian currency is the Riel but pretty much everything is paid in USdollars. It’s the only currency available in ATM’s. Formalities at the border took one hour that means waiting in the sun for at least half an hour before moving indoors. They were a large group of Russian tourists around so it was a feast for the eyes but it also reminded me of my time with Julia. It took one hour to get a simple passport stamp and hawkers were busy trying to sell bus rides to Siem Reap. Some people trust anyone with a shiny laminated badge on their shirt and paid double. A taxi costs 12 dollar each and a bus 9 dollar each. Normally being the bum that I am I would opt for a cheaper bus but Stefan the Spanish guy and me took a taxi. That was a bad decision; we were cramped into a car with two big Swedish guys and could barely move for hours.  A bus should’ve been a lot better. A lesson learned the hard way.

In Siem Reap a tuk tuk driver took us to a range of expensive hotels. The Spanish guy was not that well traveled and didn’t put up much resistance and was fine with anything. I wanted a cheap place and after a while he driver “found” one. The cheapest place he showed us was a dollar a night but that was only a mattress under an open roof. The guesthouse we choose was a lot better and was 6 dollars a night for a room with bathroom.  It was still a roachy place with a cold water shower but suitable. There was a hang out place upstairs with some fitness equipment and a TV.  A German girl was smoking weed and we joined her. The girl was a typical backpacker, like you see by the hundreds in South East Asia. Dressed like a slob in wide linen pants, a tank top and not too much bothered by hygiene or looking attractive. Cambodian girls on the other hand looked lot nicer, Asian girls have always intrigued me and by that time I had only slept with two of them. A 20 year Chinese girl in Dalian and a tiny but smoking massage girl in Vietnam.

The next day Stefan and I went to the famous Angkor Wat temples, the number one tourist attraction of Cambodia and a true spectacle.  The Angkor Wat complex is not in the list  of the 7 wonders of the world but it should be. I’ve seen four out of seven wonders of the world now. The Taj Mahal In Agra/India, The great wall of China (forbidden part of it, including a BJ), Machu Picchu in Peru and the Christ redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro/Brazil ). I would take the Christ redeemer statue of the list and replace it with Angkor Wat.

A tuk tuk driver picked us up in the morning and off we went. First to the ticket office along the road to the complex where we had to pay a hefty 40 dollars entrance fee for a 2 day card. The tuk tuk driver took us to the most important buildings that day but around two o’clock he came up with some of the lamest excuses I heard in a while. He said his mother was in the hospital and we had to return early.  Stefan the Spaniard believed him but I didn’t and told the driver to keep driving us around till 5 o’clock. Although its possible to have a sick mom in a poor country like this, its more likely that he want to return early so he can do some more rides that day. Siem reap is a very touristy place and lots of people fall for it I guess.

The next day, Stefan and I rented mountain bikes (only 2 dollar a day) and biked the whole day around all the temples. I think we saw them all in one day. It wasn’t an easy thing to do and we cycled some 40 kilometers that day in the insanely hot sun. I think I drank some five liters of water that day. Bottles of water were not hard to find. There were woman selling water and food everywhere and as soon as you came close to them, they started yelling at you to get attention. I heard a lot of “pretty boy” and “handsom man” that day.  We ran into a few French girls at some temples and they laughed at my t-shirt which said “Beer is the answer, what was the question?” I talked to him a bit and we saw them at several temples. I wanted to meet them at night and they agreed to it.

For a good description of the temples, you have a look at one of the hundreds of other travel blogs, this is not that kind of site but I can say I was heavily impressed by the enormous buildings and the beautiful carvings. The temples overgrown with enormous tree roots are truly amazing. Angelina Jolie’s Tomb raider was filmed there.  Anyone going to Cambodia or even South East Asia and not visiting the marvelous temple complex is a complete moron.

We never saw the French girls again but drank a beer at some bars. There were lots of hot Cambodian girls around the bar street but I was warned that they were all hookers and didn’t pay too much attention to them. If only I knew what would happen a few weeks later in Phnom Penh. We ate a massive meal at the street restaurants; the meat is cheap and well prepared. I had a giant meal of spare ribs, a chicken thigh and plate full of rice for less than 5 dollar. While eating a poor street kid asked for money and I said he can’t have money but eat if he wanted. I never saw a little boy eat as fast as him. I felt sorry for him and many others but it’s part of the street life here.

An old Western man walked up to another boy and took him by the hand, immediately I felt an enormous rage inside me, what did that old grandpa want from that boy? At the border there were warning signs for child prostitution and I also read about drugged five year olds forced to blow guys for a couple of dollars. I was relieved to see the old guy and boy walk to a table and I saw an old Western woman sitting there. They offered him a meal.

The next day I relaxed most of the day and felt my bones and muscles ache from intensive bike ride the day before. And took a night bus to Sihanoukville where I met up with a few old Russian friends….